Well I'd like to introduce you to....The Gum Bandit.
(Back-story: it is part of my job at work to allow elevator access to the offices upstairs. For security reasons, I have buttons that connect to the elevator system that prevent people from gaining access to these offices unless they have an access card or have talked to me and I have deemed them worthy to go upstairs.)
It is just another day at work. Like any other day. Someone approaches my desk informing me that they have an interview upstairs. I call to ensure that this person is indeed expected for an interview and I inform the person to get on the elevator and head upstairs. I then reach to press the button that would allow the elevator to move but, wait, what is that? That doesn't feel like a button. Why is it sticky? WTF?! WHAT IS THAT??
My friends....what I was pressing my fingers into was....chewing gum.
I sat there in disbelief." How did this get there?" I thought. As I sat there in disgust, rubbing the hand sanitizer between my fingers, I realized...this was no accident. Someone put that chewing gum there. On purpose.There is no possible way it could have "accidently" gotten to that spot. There is a garbage can at the desk which, it must be noted, is no where near these buttons. I keep a roll of paper towel at the desk. For reals - someone had actually taken that piece of gum out of their mouth and stuck it to the elevator buttons!
The disgust I was feeling soon turned to frustration. "This needs to be addressed." I said to myself. Since I did not know who it was (as many people in my department use this desk) I had to address the department as a whole.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you a narrative piece called "I'm Confused: Is This An Office Or A Daycare?":
To the culprit who decided it was a fantastic idea to stick their gum behind the elevator buttons:
Since when is this ever a good idea? You, whoever you are, are disgusting. What are you - five years old? Obviously only someone with the mentality of a small child would even consider, let alone follow through with, sticking their unwanted piece of chewing gum in any place other than the garbage. You couldn't walk the two steps to the garbage can to throw it out after you were done chewing it? You didn't even have to get out of the chair - you could have rolled over to the garbage can if you were that lazy. But clearly, you ARE that lazy. How about this? How about you grow up. It is evident by your nauseating and careless behaviour that you think a) no one will notice how vile you are or b) that someone else will clean up your mess. I am not your mother and I refuse to clean up after you. Have some respect for your fellow employees and leave your repulsive habits at home.
This was sent as an all staff email.
I still don't know the identity of the Gum Bandit but I am hoping that my words caused them some embarrassment and forced some sort of self reflection on why this is NEVER A GOOD IDEA OR GOOD BEHAVIOUR. Gross.
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