"(Un)feminist Guilty Pleasures"

So I read this article today on Feministing and it resonated with me because, as you can tell from a lot of my blogs, I focus on pop culture, especially music, and the degree to which it reflects how we see ourselves as people and as a society.

(Un)feminist Guilty Pleasures: Taylor Freaking Swift talks about Taylor Swift's music and how, even though it portrays a great deal of misogynist, heterosexual, patriarchal, un-feminist views, the writer still continues to enjoy her music.


And while I enjoy ripping apart certain songs for their complete objectification and degradation of women - I, too, do still enjoy some songs that contain lyrics that do this (although I'd like to think those lyrics are  more subtle than calling women "bitches" and "hoes" and comparing them to cars). I can't help it! As Kelsy likes to say: "We need to look at ourselves before we start pointing the finger at others". And she's right. So I am taking this as an opportunity to look at myself and question some of the music (and other pop culture/media) choices that  I make. And I do. I do on a daily basis. For example, I thoroughly enjoy watching Jersey Shore. And there have been times where I watch it and see the "characters" say or do things that I think are completely ridiculous, degrading, and the like. I ask myself, "Why the fuck am I watching this garbage?". But I enjoy it. It's a guilty (un)feminist pleasure. And as long as I am aware of  this - that this show portrays un-feminist views and messages that I downright disgree with and oppose - then I can justify it to myself. I sort of take it as a learning experience.

As Shahida Arabi noted in the comments section of the article:

It’s always important to challenge the music we listen to–even though as a feminist it can get frustrating always identifying things we “should” not like, but do–I say, continue with our guilty pleasures, but stay mindful of the messages music sends.

And I think she hits the nail on the head. It is okay to enjoy movies and music and the like - even though they may objectify women or send a negative message - but as long as we are constantly aware of these messages and are learning from such mediums then watch or listen away! It's when we let these things fly over our heads or go in one ear and out the other that creates a problem. When we start to exemplify, accept, and condone these behaviours and messages without acknowledging their impact or effect on others or ourselves - that's when we have a bigger issue.

Food for Thought

Post Secret

Love this site. Check it out.

It makes me wonder what secrets I have. Is there something that I have never ever told anyone before? What I would be willing to write anonymously on a postcard?


Post Secret.

For Every Girl

 I saw this on Feministing the other week and decided to share it.

I understand that a lot of the things I write about deal with the way that women are treated and often leave out the dilemmas and issues that men face.

This poster shows that gender stereotypes do not just affect women - they have a negative impact on men as well. So while most of my rants discuss women and the problems we face in society - I want all the males out there to know that I am not disregarding your struggles.

When you create gender stereotypes, you put things into categories. You give something a label. And everything that does not fit into a category/cannot be labelled becomes "other" or "abnormal". So when there is a man who does not act stereotypically "male" - he is considered more "female" or "girly" or "gay". Or if a woman does something or acts in a way that is attributed to males - she is "butch" or "a dyke". And what about people who don't fit into the categories of male and female? As Jonanna Widner of Bitch magazine writes in her article "Top of the Pops: Justin Bieber's a lesbian hair icon - or is it the other way around?":

A 16-year-old boy-man whose testicles don’t seem to have dropped, with a strange haircut and a baseball cap that’s three sizes too big? Cool. A thirtysomething woman rocking that same look? Cue the panicky reactions. Why is that person wearing a tie buying tampons? This person is not fitting into my regimented paradigm! What happened to the rules?

But those spaces between girl/not girl, boy/not boy, growing up/not growing up are where queers belong, and here’s why: They’re not cramped crevices into which we are shoved, but rather spaces we have carved out for ourselves.

I am aware that her article is talking about how Justin Bieber's haircut is one sported by many lesbians (or vice versa: Bieber is sporting a lesbian hair-do). But I feel as though her conclusion is one that relates to what I am talking about: that when something steps outside the boundaries of what is considered "normal", it becomes an outcast and is made aware of its difference(s).

While I still say that women are far more objectified than men, I get that men, too, have to deal with the negative impact of gender stereotypes. It's gotta be tough for a guy not be able to cry when he feels like shit because he will be seen as weak. I feel for you. But then why is it so hard for you to see our point of view when we want to try to diminish these types of issues in our society? Yeah, sure, it'll do a hell of a lot of good for women but it'll help out the men too. That is what I think is a huge misconception about Feminism. People think that women want to have all the power. That we're angry and want to take out our anger on men. Um. no. We just want to make this world we live in a better place for everyone (including ourselves). Because, essentially, that is exactly what would happen. If there wasn't such a negative connotation on what it is to be female, and females in general, then men wouldn't have to fear being seen as weak, lesser than, or "womanly". We would embrace difference instead of fearing it. Everyone would have a place.

So support our wishes and motivation to change things. Don't fear the word "feminism" - embrace it. . Because you, too, will reap the benefits.

"P-p-poke her face"

Ho.Ly. Shit.


Um, so I’m not really a big fan of Lady Gaga’s music but I now she’s a popular gal these days and everyone seems to think she’s the next Madonna.

I had heard her song “Poker Face” before but today….today I heard a rather different version that simply uses a variation of the title and the chorus of Lady Gaga’s acoustic edition of the song.

It made me wanna barf. And punch something. Or someone. Reeeeaaaallllly hard.

I’m sure you’ll feel the same. And if you don’t. I will punch you. Reeeeaaaallllly hard.

The song is “I Poke Her Face” by Kid Cudi feat. Kanye West (surprise surprise) and someone that goes by the name of Common.


I make her say
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
When I
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
I make her say
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
What up
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
Me first!

She wanna have whatever she like
She can if she bring her friend
And we can have one hell of a night
Through the day
Eh, I mean staring like a creeper cause you gotta peep 'er
I mean you probably might be saying you aint jockin' either
But man, o girl got a fat ol' ass
Yeah, the type that make you tell a bitch just dance
And fuck them other niggas cause you down for her b!tches
Fuck them other niggas cause she down for the stickin'
And fuck them other niggas hope she down for some lickin'
And fuck them other b!tches
Cause she's down for the trickin' up
I'm hopin' she a rider
When its said and done
And she spit it up and swallow now
I ain't got a trip about them niggas who like her
But me and mammy know who can really make her go

Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh(When I)
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
(I make her say)
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh(When I)
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face

Kanye West
She said she want whatever she like
She said she gone' bring her friend
Now we gone' have a hell of a night
Through the day
I made her say
Hold up, born in 88'
How old is that? Old enough
I got seniority with the sorority
So, that explain why I love college
Gettin' brain in the library cause I love knowledge
When you use your Medulla Oblongata
And give me scoliosis until I comatoses
And do it while I sleep yeah a little osmosis
And that's my commitment you ain't gotta ask Moses
More champagne more toast'es
More damn planes, more coast'es
And fuck a bus, the Benz is parked like Rosa ....

I make her say
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
When I
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
I make her say
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
When I
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
I make her say

Common
She said she want whatever she like
But she gotta bring your friend
We could have a hell of a night, through the day
She blamed it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol
She had her hair did, it was bound to fall
Down, down for a damn, Cudi already said it
A poker face book I already read it
But man, her head was gooder than the music
electro body known to blow fuses
A stripper from the south lookin for a payday
Said bitch you should do it for the love like Ray Jay
But they say you be on that conscious tip
Get your hair right and get up on this conscious dick
I embody everything from the Gali to the party
Its the way I was raised on the south side safari, so

Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
(When I)
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face
(I make her say)
Oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh
(When I)
P-p-p-poker face
P-p-poke her face

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got me like nobody

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
She's got me like nobody

I….I…don’t….even know where to begin…..

Right off the bat there are indications that Kid Cudi is calling dibs on being the first one to “p-p-poke her face”. Oh, but “only if she bring her friend”. Cause two girls are obviously better than one. We have learned that valuable lesson from pop culture before: men want multiple women.

“Staring like a creeper cause you gotta peep’er”? I think Kid Cudi needs to read some Schrödinger’s Rapist. And perhaps get a grammar lesson too.

I guess a woman who has a “fat ol’ ass” is the type who deserves to be called a bitch. Actually, it seems that Cudi refers to all women as “b!tches”. Disrespect at its finest. At the end of the day, all Cudi wants is his “bitch” to “stick, lick and trick”. He hopes that she’s a “rider” He wants her to “spit it up and swallow”. Sounds like Cudi wants himself a porn star or a prostitute. Well, don’t worry Cudi – that’s what our young generation of women are being trained to be so they’re on their way!

Enter Kanye. Everyone already knows you’re a douchebag Kanye but it’s been a while since you tried to trump Taylor Swift with your own oversized ego so I guess you felt like we needed to be reminded of your douchebagery.

Weird, though, how you were hating on Taylor Swift since apparently girls born in 1988 aren’t too young for you at all. “How old is that?” you ask. That would make her 22 but would you really stop to ask a girl her age when she’s “stickin, lickin, and trickin”? Methinks not you misogynistic prick.

Do you really have “seniority with the sorority” or is that just you assuming you have the right to prey on young woman because you have a penis? You love college? I bet that’s what a lot of potential rapists think, too.

Question: why is it that artists use words that rhythm but don’t actually make sense in the context of their usage? So…you want some girl to give you a blowjob in a library until you get scoliosis (a medical term for “crooked spine”) and until you become comatose? And then continue to blow you while you are in a coma? Do you even know what “osmosis” is? Again, methinks not. I think you just wanted to use a fancy word that rhymed.

Well looks like someone paid attention in history class. He makes reference to Rosa Parks. And compares her to a car. Nothin’ like a man who can turn a woman (a historical figure who people called “the mother of the freedom movement”) into an object. Degradation at it’s best.

I don’t know who this “Common” character is. I guess anyone can get a record deal these days. The only prerequisite, it seems, is that you have to degrade women or degrade yourself.

Common says this girl’s blowjobs are better than the music. Oh wait, “gooder than the music”. My bad. But atleast he’s right about something. A blowjob WOULD be better than this music. (Can we even call this music? Seriously).

It wouldn’t be a modern day mainstream song written and performed by males if it didn’t put emphasis on the female body or compare women to strippers. Remember my blog entry about strippers? How I asked, “Would you rather she do it for free?”. Common seems to think so – he would tell her: “bitch you should do it for the love”. Ah yes, because ALL strippers LOVE being strippers. They love getting naked for the entertainment of men. They don’t have any negative feelings on the subject what.so.ever.

It’s alright, though. This stripper will “get up on that (his) conscious dick” because he embodies everything that a southern boy should.

It is obvious that this “female” they are discussing, degrading, and dehumanizing in their lyrics is one that is being shared by all 3 men. They keep referring back to what the person prior to them had noted (“Cudi already said it”).

Being a white woman, I feel kind of nervous talking about race and pointing the finger at black men who are affecting black culture. I get it. I’m not black so how dare I say anything about how black men are affecting other black people. But this type of music has an affect on ALL cultures and all races and all genders. It is music like this that creates and perpetuates the stereotypes of a race or group of people. No, you do not speak for everyone. But the fact that you are a person in the media – a person that people listen to and sometimes look up to and emulate – you are somewhat of a representative for your race and gender. Just like how Katy Perry is a representative of a white woman in her 20s – Kanye, Kid Cudi, and Common are spokesmen for young black males and males in general.

I think bell hooks says it best (well obviously she does because she is a writer and I am not) when, in her article "Sexism and Misogyny:Who Takes the Rap? Misogyny, gangsta rap, and The Piano" , she says:

Without a doubt black males, young and old, must be held politically accountable for their sexism. Yet this critique must always be contextualized or we risk making it appear that the behaviors this thinking supports and condones,--rape, male violence against women, etc.-- is a black male thing. And this is what is happening. Young black males are forced to take the "heat" for encouraging, via their music, the hatred of and violence against women that is a central core of patriarchy.

We cannot point the finger at black men. We have to point the finger at all men. Men in general. It’s not because they are black that they think this way about women – it’s because they, along with men from every other race in existence, have witnessed this since day one.

Race and gender are like Siamese twins. They are connected. And it is really difficult to separate them.

And it’s really difficult to fathom why people listen to this kind of bullshit music – women included.

"Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well"

This made my day and I am madly in love with it. I wish that everyone everywhere could read this.
(*note: I did not know who or what Schrödinger was before I read it. But thanks to Wikipedia - such an awesome and reliable resource - I now do: he was an Austrian theoretical physicist. His "thought experiment(s)" test a certain hypothesis, theory or principle. "The common goal of a thought experiment is to explore the potential consequences of the principle in question".)

Now please...click here

It has happened to me like I'm sure it has happened to every other women out there. A stranger, a guy, approaches you as you walk down the street, while you're riding the TTC, while you're grocery shopping - anything, you name it - and tries to strike up conversation or compliments you. Guys wonder why girls don't like this or why we seem standoffish and freaked out. But instead of finding out the exact reason why we are acting as such - most men I have encountered get angry, defensive, annoyed, and the like. Yes, I understand that we are  in a public space and you have as much right to be there as I do. But that does not give you the right to talk to me and that does not give you the right to shrug off and ignore my "not interested", "you're freaking me out", "who the fuck are you and why are you talking to me?" signals or my flat out "no's". Can you not take a hint? Do you want to be seen as a potential threat to a woman's life? Because that is exactly what you are becoming when you do this.


Something that has always struck me as...off...and unfair is: if a guy is hitting on, or talking to, me and I don't like it or feel uncomfortable - I am expected to be a bitch and tell him to go fuck himself. And, yes, as much as I would like to (and sometimes do) I do not feel that I should have to. It is not my fault that guys are oblivious and can't get the hint that I don't want to talk to them/I am uncomfortable/I am afraid for my life because that person could be a  potential rapist. Just like it's not my responsibility to ensure that guys don't oogle over me if I wear a short skirt or a low-cut top. I can wear whatever I want and you don't have the right to look at me or say anything if I do. It's not up to me to keep your sexuality in check.

 And the sad thing is, this is one of the biggest double standards that I face. If I don't want you talking to me and I tell you so or make it known - I'm a bitch. But if I don't (and perhaps choose to remain polite, nice, and throw in some subtle hints because I don't want to be rude or make you feel bad about yourself)? I'm a tease. I can't win! I'm screwed if I do and I'm screwed if I don't.

It's time to take responsibility for yourself, boys. Own up. And read this article because you could learn a few things. You don't walk from the subway to your apartment alone at 1am holding your keys in your hand ready to use them as a weapon because you think the guy walking behind you is going to drag you into the bushes and rape you. And I'm not exaggerating. This is actually how women think. We live on a rape schedule. And can you really blame us?

"Sex Sells"

Comparison. Expectation. Assumption.

“Sex sells”. I’ve heard it many times. I am sure you have too. Not only do you hear it from advertising agencies defending their attempts to sell products but it is now embedded in the minds of everyday people. And the media is to blame.

We often wonder why society is so “numb” when it comes to seeing sexual, pornographic and violent images. The shock value has disappeared. And this is perhaps why mainstream pornography is widely accepted these days. Because porn is the replacement for advertising. Yes, I understand that advertising images are not portraying full on penetration but they might as well be! The message depicted is the same: that women/females are defined by their bodies. We, as a society, get away with objectifying the women in these ads because they aren’t “real” – they are billboards, commercials, pamphlets, etc. Since they aren’t “real” women, we don’t have to feel guilty about objectifying them. But, sadly, this translates to real life and we begin to treat real women this way.  Using the female body as a sexual object to sell products is the new norm.

You see it everywhere - ads for clothing, beer, cleaning products, items used for personal hygiene, and the list goes on. What does the female body have to do with a cold beer? Nothing. That’s the thing. But beer is a product targeted towards men (because women don’t enjoy beer, right?) and what better way to attract male customers than by offering them something else that they get pleasure from: women. But these companies don’t stop there. They offer a woman who is hyper sexualized, willing to do whatever it takes for male attention and satisfaction, has no mind of her own and nothing important to say. She’s a “convenience”. The most easily accessible convenience there is. She’s a great alternative to your wife, fiancé or girlfriend who is just oh so average looking, who doesn’t put out quite enough to fulfill your needs, who can make decisions for herself, who is intelligent with an abundance of important things to say. In other words, this “woman” who the advertising company has so happily created for men is a great substitute for the real woman they may have at home.

The ads that beer companies use to sell their product are just few of the many that use sex and the female body to make money or improve sales. Like this, for instance. Perhaps here. Here, (prepare yourself), HERE, aaaaaaand here.

I think its safe to say that the replacement of advertising with sexualized images (more so than not featuring women) is the result of the rise of “porn culture”. Mainstream pornography not only degrades women, but allows others to partake in the degradation of women. By buying porn, streaming it or downloading it, your actions are supporting the sexualization and degradation of women. Pornography is hurting real everyday women. We are expected to act, look, and have sex, like porn stars. We are expected to have sex at all times of the day in whatever position is required and in whatever location is preferred. Our bodies are expected to look like the bodies seen in pornography – with fake tits, fake tans, and even sometimes fake vaginas. And when we don’t comply with all of these things – we are seen as prudes. We are made to feel unusual. We are subconsciously (and sometimes not) compared to these “women”. Porn is a performance. While it is indeed a realistic act, it is performance in that it requires an audience and is for entertainment sake. And that is why I add quotations when I refer to them as “women” – because they are merely performing what it is to be “women”. It is an act. I am in no way denouncing them as real people outside of the porn set.

Being a woman, I can write about this because I feel it. I have experience with this issue. I feel as though I cannot always enjoy sex because I constantly feel at competition with girls in porn. It has never been blatantly said to me that I need to act more like a porn star during sex, but I have heard things such as “I need to get this on video” and “Yeah, tell me how good that feels. Tell me how good my cock feels in your pussy”.

I am not a porn star. And while everyone has things that turn them on (“different strokes for different folks”), I don’t like being talked to like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable and obligated to say things I wouldn’t normally say or that I don’t want to say. But if I don’t? I fear I may not be “good” at sex or I may not be considered attractive in bed. Most of the time I voice my awkwardness and inability to say these things but…why should I have to?

It shouldn’t be this way. No woman should ever have to worry that her husband, fiancé, boyfriend, lover, etc. is thinking about another woman when with her - especially a woman that is an image on a television or computer screen. I’m not saying that porn stars are not real people or that they don’t have real feelings or thoughts. But when men put them on a pedestal they become a preferred replacement for the real women they are having sex with – an unrealistic one at that.

Porn exists that doesn’t depict rape, violence, and humiliation. However, it does not get publicized as much as mainstream pornography does. And this is a problem. If boys grow up only watching mainstream porn then this violent and unrealistic portrayal of sex is all that they come to know which lends a hand in how they view women as sexual objects and degrade them as such.

A Must Read

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
This article made me pee I was laughing so hard. It is truly ridiculous.

http://christwire.org/2010/08/is-my-husband-gay/

She Ain't Worth Shit

Last night I was witness to a conversation between two guys I know about strippers. One of them made this statement:

“I don’t like paying $20.00 for only 3 minutes”.

Obviously, he is referring to lap dances.

What gets me about this statement – and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up in addition to making me feel sick to my stomach – was that a) you are voluntarily and consciously attending a venue where men sit and watch women get naked for entertainment purposes and, furthermore, you request, pay, and partake in a lapdance where a woman grinds and dances her naked body all up on your for your entertainment and pleasure (I have a hard time figuring out why men want this – what is the reason behind it? I’m pretty sure there are rules set out to ensure that you, “the customer”, can’t touch her. So, what? Does it give you a stiffy? Is that what you get out of it?), b) you don’t think that she is worth $20.00, and c) you are determining her “value” based on what she can do for you – sexually.

You spend more than $20.00 on a meal, you spend more than $20.00 filling up your gas tank, you spend more than $20.00 on a tshirt, snowboarding equipment, a bottle of wine, a pair of shoes, your cell phone bill – you spend more than $20.00 on all of these day to day material things but $20.00 is too much to ask for a woman to take off her clothes and give you a lap dance??

That’s fucked.

While I don’t think that women should have any dollar value placed upon them or mark their worth, it happens and will continue to happen. It’s the individuals who further perpetuate this notion that I want to ring by the neck. It’s those who attend strip clubs that I have an issue with, especially when you complain about how the dollar you are spending is unreasonable. This is a woman we’re talking about here – a human being – and to say that she isn’t worth $20.00 of your paycheque, $20.00 that you probably spend on the most frivolous of things, is utterly dehumanizing. You are saying that she is less than the meal you paid for last night or that DVD you bought yesterday.

What would be a “reasonable” price for you then? Would you rather she do it for free? Do you feel like she owes it to you because she is a stripper and that’s her job? I guess because she is a stripper and is therefore “not a real person” you feel like she is just a faceless body or a tool used to entertain you sexually. She has no real feelings or a family or lifestyle to pay for, right?

I asked the two guys: “You pay for lapdances?”

“Yeah, we have before.”

Me: “That’s gross.”

And the response?

“You’re a girl – of course you don’t get it.”

I don’t get it? The reason I DO get it is because I’m a fucking girl, you morons. I live this shit. And it’s ignorant fucks like you who promote the degradation of women and make girls like me feel the impact of it everyday.

M.E 2 Katy Perry 0

So, as I wrote yesterday, 'California Girls' isn't the only shit-filled oppressing song that Katy Perry has spat out.

Today's post will focus on her other recent track: 'Teenage Dream'. It should actually be called 'Teenage Wet Dream' because that's exactly what the lyrics imply:

You think I'm pretty
Without any makeup on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the punchline wrong
I know you get me
So I let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck but things
Were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever

You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance, until we die
You and I, will be young forever

You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tights jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight


Yoooouuu
You make me feel
Like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's run away and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back
No

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance and
Don't ever look back,
Don't ever look back

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tights jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight
(Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight)

Firstly, just because a dude says you look good without makeup and tells you you're funny even when you're a blithering idiot does not necessarily mean he loves you and that you should throw your virginity, vagina (or dignity) at him. I feel like young women (well, a lot of women) have such a false impression of what love is and that is why they are having sex younger and younger. They think that love = sex and the media plays a large role in this. Now, don't get me wrong, if an individual feels like they want to have sex or explore their sexuality then they are free to do so without judgment. But girls should make a conscious decision to do so out of their own desires/curiosity - not because they think that guys will like them more, or even love them, if they have sex.

The second verse sets up the idea that Katy Perry, or the "girl" in this "love" story, was in an awful place before she met this guy. And that's fine. Some people go through dark times and meet people along the way that help them out of these woes. But then Katy suddenly breaks into "Let's go all the way tonight". Um, wait a second…weren’t you just depressed and all “boo hoo – I’m a wreck and things are heavy” like 2 seconds ago? Oh right, I forgot: this isn’t REAL life – it’s Katy Perry’s life. So I guess sex makes you forget about your problems and a guy wanting to bang your brains out makes you feel good about yourself. Yeaaaah….that feeling will last for all of 5 minutes or until he climbs off of you, cleans up his splooge, and bounces. That is, until next time he sees you are down and vulnerable – he’ll know just what to say and do to make you feel good again and look what’s in it for him! Some vagine. And isn’t this kind of hinting that if a guy ever gets you through a hard point in your life, you owe him something for the favour? Sex it is, I guess! Yep, sure, I'll let you stick your dick in me for being a good friend. It's the least I can do. It’s what society has taught me to do. It is really the only thing of value that I have; the female body acts as currency. I could just return the favour by being there for you and being your shoulder to cry on when the time comes but obviously my job as a woman is to be their for your sexual satisfaction. This makes me think of guys who put on the act of “the nice guy” to get women to fall for them or to get them into bed. And I’m not making it up - it happens. I know someone personally who came up with a plan to be super sweet, nice and charming to his ex-girlfriend – sending her nice texts, taking her out to the movies, holding her hand, bringing her coffee – just so that she will “see how great he is” and, in turn, will want him back. And when this happens, he plans on rubbing it in her face that she broke up with him and she won’t find anyone as great as he is. Isn’t that FUCKED UP? He doesn’t want to BE a good person – he wants to fake it to make someone feel regret. Disgusting.

"You make me feel like I'm livin a teenage dream the way you turn me on. I can't sleep". I didn't know that all teenagers were that horny ALL the time. I mean, yeah puberty can mess with your hormones, but as far as I remember - I wasn't sitting in ninth grade science class fantasizing about all the dry humping I would be doing as soon as the bell rang. In fact, I remember being terrified of the idea of a penis and what it would do to me. I remember hearing about the girls who did choose to lose their virginity and thinking "Oh my Lord, weren't they scared?!". Then again, Katy Perry hadn't appeared in pop culture then so, maybe that explains my fear of the “holy” penis. I just read an article today that discusses the struggles women encounter with sex and orgasms (see link at bottom of post). It says that “our culture puts a tremendous amount of pressure on women to be sexy and sexually responsive” and “societies that don’t value female satisfaction restrict sex to what men enjoy”. It’s not easy for women to enjoy sex and focus on their own pleasure when “genuine female sexuality is culturally invisible and what is visible is a pornified facsimile of female desire”. And how true it is! These lyrics create an unrealistic representation of female sexuality. It makes guys treat you like porn stars and makes you act like one to pleasure and satisfy them.

Katy goes on to sing about how her heart stops when this guy looks at her and how "now baby" she believes "this is real". Real what, Katy? Real love? The media already sets an unrealistic, romanticized idea of what a loving relationship is, which, in turn, sends the message that this is what young girls need to, and should, strive for the moment they hit puberty and what they should expect. Now sex is thrown into the mix. Way to further society’s already twisted concept of love! Bravo.

Wouldn’t be a Katy Perry song if she wasn’t singing about California, beaches, booze and sex in skuzzy places! Looks like getting drunk on a beach and getting some ass in a dirty motel room (forgive me, I have a phobia of motel rooms) is the thing to do these days. Well it is if you want to feel complete, according to Katy. I’ll keep that in mind: if I want to feel better about myself I need to let some guy fuck me in some unwashed motel sheets. *shudders*

You can clearly get the gist of this deeply moving track (note the sarcasm) in the lines “I’mma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans”. Yet again, Katy makes it clear that a woman’s ability to attract a guy lies in her physical appearance. I had better race to the mall and buy myself some skin tight pants (camel toe anyone?) if I ever want a guy to find me attractive.

It’s songs like these, and other forms of media, that have desensitized the youth of today. Sex is everywhere – in television and film, in music videos, advertisements, commercials, etc. We are being slapped across the face with sexual images of women and over time we have become numb to it. We no longer tense up preparing for it and we no longer feel the sting when it happens.



http://community.feministing.com/2010/08/12/taking-female-sexuality-out-of-the-male-box/#more-11419

What They're Really Saying

After being introduced to Sarah Haskin's hilarious videos "Target Women", I have become obsessed with the idea of creating my own web videos. While Haskins focuses on gender stereotypes in all different kinds of media (see link at bottom of post), my interest (well, my interest at the moment) lies in song lyrics.

I drive to and from work and it is roughly a 30-40 minute commute. At times I pop in a cd but more often than not I listen to the radio. The stations that my car radio are auto set to are: Q107, 102.1 The Edge, 103.3, 97.7, 104.5 Chum FM and 99.9 Virgin Radio. So, I hear a variety of music played on these stations ranging from classic rock to punk, alternative to pop, grunge to r&b and hip hop - you name it.

Since becoming a feminist and reading and learning more about gender stereotypes and how women are portrayed in the media, I am more aware than ever - even listening to the radio. It is insane how I never REALLY listened to what songs were saying before. If I liked the beat or enjoyed an artist's voice, I would blast the tune and sing along (even if I did look like a crazy person driving down the street). But my new found feminist radar has kicked into full gear and I cannot believe some of the lyrics in songs that air these days. What gets me is that if I didn't realize what these songs were actually saying - how are the kids and teens listening going to take them?

Therefore, I want to start blogging about music and song lyrics. I want to analyze what they are REALLY saying and how this, in turn, creates gender stereotypes and degrades women.

Thus, I will begin with what I think is one of the most obvious (and awful) examples of this: Katy Perry.

Katy Perry's "song of the summer" 'California Girls' was one that, when I first heard it on the radio, I bopped along to. And then I actually listened to what she was saying:

[Snoop Dogg]
Greetings loved ones
Let's take a journey

[Katy Perry - Verse 1]
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Warm, wet and wild
There must be somethin' in the water
Sippin' gin and juice
Layin' underneath the palm trees (Undone)
The boys
Break their necks
Try'na creep a little sneak peek (At us)

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the Golden Coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Oooooh oh oooooh

[Katy Perry - Chorus]
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your Popsicle
Oooooh oh oooooh

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
Westcoast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

[Katy Perry - Verse 2]
Sex on the beach
We don't mind sand in our Stilettos
We freak
In my Jeep
Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo (Oh oh)

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the Golden Coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Oooooh oh oooooh

[Katy Perry - Chorus]
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your Popsicle
Oooooh oh oooooh

California gurls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
Westcoast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

[Snoop Dogg - Verse 3]
Toned, tanned
Fit and ready
Turn it up 'cause it's gettin' heavy
Wild, wild Westcoast
These are the girls I love the most
I mean the ones
I mean like she's the one
Kiss her
Touch her
Squeeze her buns (huh!)

The girl's a freak
She drives a Jeep
and lives on the beach
I'm okay
I won't play
I love the Bay
Just like I love L.A.
Venice Beach
And Palm Springs
Summertime is everything

All the boys
Bangin' out
All that ass
Hangin' out
Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis
No weenies
Just the king
And the queen-ie
Katy my lady
(Yeah)
You're lookin'here baby
(Uh huh)
I'm all up on you
Cause you representin California
(Ohhh yeahh)

[Katy Perry - Chorus]
California gurls
We're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your Popsicle
Oooooh oh oooooh

California gurls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
Westcoast represent
(Westcoast, Westcoast)
Now put your hands up
Oooooh oh oooooh

Snoop Dogg:
(Californiaaa, Californiaaa)
California girls man
I wish they all could be
California girls
(Californiaaa)
I really wish
You all could be
California girls
(Californiaaa, girls)

So I think I am right to assume that Perry is attempting to point out how great girls from Cali are. Well, they wear daisy dukes with bikini tops. They are really tan. So tan, in fact, that they will melt your popsicle - which is CLEARLY an innuendo for penis. I don't know about you, but I don't know any guy who would want some chick to melt their dick. Give 'em a boner maybe but melt the thing entirely? That's some serious fucked up S&M shit Katy.

According to Katy, it seems that all California girls do is party ("sippin gin and juice") and fuck on the beach wearing stilettos. Oh nope, wait I'm wrong. They fuck in their jeeps too. Doggie style right up on the dashboard. MAN I wanna be a California girl! No fair!!

Don't forget about Snoop Dog. He likes his Cali girls "Toned, tanned, fit and ready." Ready for what, you may ask? Ready for them to melt his dick off? Perhaps. Or maybe he is ready to "kiss her, touch her, squeeze her buns". Katy obviously likes it - you can hear her let out some sort of orgasmic moan in the background. (Wait a minute, isn't she engaged to Russel Brand? What will Russel think?!). I dunno about you, but if Snoop Dog came up to me on a beach and started kissing me and squeezing my buns - I would not think it was orgasmic. That fucker would have a lawsuit on his hands. But it's okay, cuz Snoop is totally justified in his actions: "I'm all up on you cause you representin California". OHHH okay. So if some guy jumps out of the bushes and rapes me, it's alright because I'm representin the GTA. Gotcha.

Snoop sums up his input into the matter by saying "I really wish you all could be California girls". So, you wish all girls, all females, could be toned, tanned, fit, and "ready" to be groped and have their ass smacked or squeezed at the drop of a hat? "Ready" to fuck on the beach wearing high heels and bend over for you in your car? Ready to be sexual objects for men? I guess that explains Katy Perry's cupcake breasts in the music video. We are food for men to devour.

I always wonder....are these female artists who make this kind of music aware of the message they are sending to women or, more importantly, young girls? Or are they themselves buying into this garbage? Honestly, I don't know which one is worse.

Katy is saying (very bluntly, in fact) that girls from California are so amazingly awesome because of what they look like, the clothes that they wear, how much sex they have, and how much they party. Why is it these kinds of things that define a woman?

Snoop Dog just adds to the bullshit confirming that yes, this is indeed what men look for in a woman and that he wishes ALL women could be like this. He also sends the message that sexual harassment is okay and that girls like it! No wonder so many men hoot and holler at women on the streets and think it's funny to grab an ass or two at a bar.

It is songs like these (and the music videos that accompany them) that make prepubescent teen girls run out and buy push up bras, go to a tanning salon, develop eating disorders and the like and, in turn, make guys think it is okay, that it is their right, to objectify and harass women.

Sadly, this isn't the only Katy Perry song that exemplifies these kinds of messages.

But that's for another post.



http://current.com/shows/infomania/target-women/

Facebook Junkie

I'm addicted. It has become an everyday habit. I find myself automatically doing it even when I don't mean to!

Dammit, Facebook. How could I have become so dependent on you?

I knew (and had been told) that I Facebook far too often. At work, people now call me "Face Cracker".

I thoroughly enjoy "Face Crackin'". Isn't it better that I'm "Face Crackin" instead of real cracking???

....I'm pathetic.

I was listening to The Dean Blundell show this morning on my way to work (*note: I don't usually listen to his show because I don't normally work mornings. I just happen to be working the morning shift today and I decided to tune in. I sometimes find his topics and word choices offensive and rude but at times I think he is funny - you know, when he isn't talking about degrading women).

Anyways, back to the show. He, along with Todd and Jason, happened to be talking about Facebook. I guess Todd and Jay are users (ha ha) and Dean was informing them about his thoughts on Facebook (and social networking in general) and why he hates it so much.

Dean thinks that Facebook and other social networking sites have allowed us to become "social peeping toms" and "social snobs". He furthered his point by putting it in a situational context: say you are hanging out with your friends and they mention a guy or girl that they know that they might want to set you up with. Instead of meeting this person and judging their personality, looks, attributes yourself - you sign into your Facebook account (or "google" their name which often supplies you with the link to their Facebook page) and look through their pictures and decide whether or not this person is good enough/attractive enough for you to meet and possibly date based on what you see/find. In this sense, we use something as mundane as Facebook and judge whether or not we will be compatible with someone based on their online profile.

In terms of the "peeping tom" reference: it has now become socially acceptable to spy on people via internet. We use Facebook to see what people are doing with their lives, who they're dating, how drunk they got last night, and the works. And we, ourselves, provide this kind of information for everyone to know and see!

Dean noted that what has become acceptable in the online world would be completely ridiculous, and possibly illegal, in real life: "That would be like someone ringing your doorbell and when you answer it, they poke you in the chest and say "Want to be friends? Accept or decline now!! That person would get punched in the face" and compared the lack of privacy of Facebook to someone "seeing what you've been up to lately" by peering through your living room window at night.

And you know? It's true!! And it's funny because it's true! Why do we do this to ourselves?

Yes, Facebook is a good way to stay in touch with friends who you don't get to see too often or that don't live near you (that is a big reason why I use it). It's a great place to advertise and gain support for different causes or events. And I'm sure there's a list of other pros about Facebook that I just can't think of at the moment. And, frig, I'll admit it - it fills my time! It provides me with entertainment when I am bored.

However, Dean is right. Facebook and other online networking sites have replaced human contact and communication! Instead of calling up a friend and seeing how he/she has been, we comment on their status or profile picture. Impersonal communication masks itself as intimate and personal.

Jessica Valenti, in a post on her website titled "What is feminism worth?" (in which she argues in support of activists getting paid), said: "I just had someone send me a nasty Facebook message, for example, when I suggested they “friend” me at a public fan page rather than my personal account". We are expected to be accessible to anyone and everyone - even people we don't know. I can't tell you how many friend requests I've received from people (mostly guys) that I have never met before! They happened to see my profile picture (not my entire profile because I have really high privacy settings) through a mutual friends' page. So not only are these people wanting to "befriend" me based on my picture, but they are coming across as creepy cyber stalkers! When did this become okay? When did this become "normal"?

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying forums such as blogs and chat groups aren't important and beneficiary. I am talking about sites that don't aim to better our economy or society, that don't enlighten or teach, that really don't DO anything. If there is a group or event on Facebook that publicizes or supports a cause then it's not Facebook that is supporting this cause, it is the users. Facebook is the means by which they are doing so. And they do so because they know how popular Facebook has become.

This is me admitting and acknowledging my addiction and how bad it is/how negative an impact it has on my life.

Isn't that one of the steps in rehab? Admitting you have a problem?

And who knows, maybe I will sober up. Maybe I will cut Facebook out of my life. Or just cut back. Or only use it for reasons that could potentially benefit me (ie. keeping in touch with friends, getting updates about important events or causes that interest me, etc.) and quit using it to "cyber stalk" people who, honestly, I don't give two shits about.


And the sad thing is, I don't consider myself and my addiction the worst there is! I see people who update their status' and let everyone know what they are doing EVERY FIVE MINUTES or who use their status' to let everyone know just how shitty they are feeling. Perhaps it's a grab for attention or maybe they are just really open people. I don't care what it is - it's annoying. Your boyfriend broke up with you and you are having trouble moving on? Go talk to a friend about it or sit in a dark room and cry. Don't put all of your emotion into a status update. It makes you look even more desperate and pathetic than you probably already are.

...wow. Don't know where that anger came from but heck, it's my blog and I can say what I want.

Facebook. It's the new cyber drug. And it's a tough habit to kick.

What I know and What I'm good at.

I went to University for Theatre. I concentrated in Performance. I am a feminist.

...why not combine the two?

The idea of starting (founding, I guess) a feminist theatre company is really exciting to me.

I decided to research some feminist theatre groups and these are the ones that I found:

1) Nightwood Theatre: this is Canada's oldest professional women's theatre company. It has over 3,000 members. According to the Canadian Theatre Enycyclopedia, feminism was not the original reason for starting the company but it became a significant factor when they became identified (and labelled) as such. Their mandate states that "We operate with a firm belief in women’s equality and use theatre to challenge stereotypes and social assumptions about gender, race and sexuality". Nightwood "forges creative alliances among women artists from diverse backgrounds in order to develop and produce innovative Canadian Theatre".

2) Theatre Experimental des Femmes: this company's activities included productions, workshops, festivals (of women's work) and seminars on women's history. Their work focused on social causes, the dominance of patriarchy in society and in culture, and liberationist philosophy.

3) Redlight Theatre: they believe "one of theatre's greatest historical contributions has been it's ability to comment on oppression and defy established rules". With their theatre, they wish "to rouse the masses to revolt against everyday violences-cum-accepted-norms".

4) Spiderwoman Theatre: their mission is to "provide exceptional theatre performance, training and education in an effort to address cultural, social and political issues in the Native American and women’s communities. They seek to entertain and challenge their audiences and bring communities of people together to examine the causes and effects of a wide variety of issues".

I wondered, what made a theatre company feminist? Is it feminist because the company is made up of all women or because the focus and content of their work is feminist (women's issues, sexism, racism, classism, violence, stereotypes, opression, etc.)?

I guess, since men can be feminists too and support the feminist movement and women's issues, that the answer is the latter.

But there IS something uber powerful about a company founded by women whose work is created, performed, designed, dramaturged, directed, stage managed (and all of the other positions associated with a theatre troupe) by women.

As they say, theatre imitates life. It holds the mirror up to nature. Maybe I am bias because I consider myself an artist and a performer and I have such a love, passion, and appreciation for the theatre...but I think that theatre is a great outlet for such sensitive and important topics.

I really want to do this. I would really love to combine my love of theatre with my new-found friend feminism.

Kelsy and I have come up with, what we think, is a clever and genius way to gauge people's thoughts on feminism and feminist issues and to turn it into somewhat performance art. Perhaps that will be where my journey begins...

Stay tuned!!!

Just what we need...

I recently came across a post on my new favourite website Feministing.com (seriously...friggin love this website. Thank you Jessica Valenti!). Even though it pissed me right off, I am really glad that I came across this Gap advertisement (see bottom of post for link). I don’t shop at The Gap all the time – nor is it my all-time favourite store – but I have purchased a few things from them over the years. However, I will no longer be shopping at The Gap. And I wrote their marketing and advertising department to tell them what I thought about their latest promotional material:

To Whom it May Concern,

I am writing in regards to your latest advertisement that ”promotes” your shorts (”Put some pants on! Because we can’t all look good in shorts”).

While controversy may indeed assist in getting The Gap attention and sales, it is quite disgusting that a) you need to spark controversy to attain sales and b) that you choose to use shame in order to do so.

By having ads such as these, you are maintaining and promoting unrealistic beauty standards that are so detrimental to our society. I fail to see why a company as large and successful as The Gap cannot create and use advertising that makes people feel comfortable with their bodies. But alas, you make money by making people feel bad about themselves and their appearance. If an individual feels poorly about his/her appearance, they will rush out to spend their paychecks on clothing, makeup, hair products or worse: plastic surgery; things that will improve their looks and allow them to ”fit in”.

People with varying body shapes and sizes have enough trouble finding a place in mainstream society (and the media) where they can feel comfortable in their own skin. To suggest that these people should not wear an article of clothing such as shorts because they might ”offend” the public is offensive in itself. It is appalling. And for a company that also specializes in children’s clothing: what kind of message will you be sending to them? What about the little girl that comes into The Gap to buy a pair of shorts and, in your world, she isn’t ”conventionally” beautiful, skinny, etc. Are you going to ”suggest” she buy pants? What kind of effect do you think this will have on her?

I want to know: Where do you draw the line? Today it’s about overweight individuals – tomorrow, what, are your ads going to target people of colour? The gay community? What you may think is a harmless, even witty, advertisement sends out a very strong and impressionable message which can result in dangerous consequences.

Perhaps your marketing and advertising team need to be more aware of the impact your materials can have on, not only the people who shop in your store, but also those who walk by your windows.

I, and I assume I’m not the only one since this ad came out, will no longer be shopping for shorts, or any other article of clothing, at The Gap. And that’s a shame, because I look amazing in shorts.

Sincerely,
Megan Ellison.

I am really proud of this letter. This is the first time I have ever done something like this. I lack confidence in my writing skills but I figure I will keep practicing (because there are SO many more letters to be written to companies that use sexist advertising or advertising that makes us feel and look like pure shit). Even though the message in the ad may be hazy (they don't outright say who it is that doesn't look good in shorts), it doesn't take a genius to figure out who they mean and who this ad is targeting.

I brought it up to someone I know (an ex-boyfriend of mine, actually) and when I told him why I was offended, his response was:

"I would assume that most people who are upset with that ad are people who are upset with themselves for not taking the time and effort to live a healthy lifestyle (hence not looking good in shorts) or are friends with people like that."

He continued to back up his response by saying:

"I just think if people are so insecure that they are actually influenced by these ads, then I don't mind that they feel bad. Like, if you are doing well, and you're happy with yourself, words on a poster or on a commercial shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. And if it does, you have larger issues, most likely. At some point you have to stand up for yourself."

My response was this (and keep in mind I have a little trouble putting my thoughts into words sometimes...):

"As if its not hard enough to live up to the subtle and sometimes subconscious beauty standards created by the media - now they are actually STATING these standards, making them so in your face and making money off of it. And people think it's funny! They don't think about the effect that things like these have on people (and more so women).

We are surrounded by these messages. They are so embedded in our society and in our minds. Are you telling me that you dont have standards about what you think is beautiful or hot or pretty? Of course you do...and those are created for you by the media.

You think it's so easy for someone with weight issues to walk down the street? Perhaps they get heckled or made fun of or people stare at them. They can just shrug it off and be okay with it? Yeah, sure, they could go lose the weight but what is their reason for losing it? Are they losing it is to "fit in" and conform to what society thinks is beautiful? And even if they do lose the weight - what if their nose doesnt look right or (if it's a female) her boobs aren't big enough? It never ends!"

It really never ends. We don't need another poster, ad, or commercial telling us we're not good enough or that we don't look good enough. We don't need The Gap telling us we can't wear shorts. What we DO need is more positive advertising. It's hard to find, but it's out there. Just gotta get through the garbage to get to the goods.

http://feministing.com/2010/08/03/the-gap-wants-you-to-cover-up-your-ugly-legs/